Imagine this Scenario
You and your partner have been together for some time now, but since you've been together and have been intimate the sex has never been earth shattering. You don't daydream about it, you don't even crave it. Your sex life isn't horrible, but you know it's not enjoyable as it could be. What's even more difficult to swallow is that you know why it's that way:
You've simply never told your partner what you want or how you want it in the bedroom. But why?
Why Haven't You Said Anything to Your Partner?
Simply put, it's likely that you don't want to hurt your partner's feelings. Especially if you have been together for a while, let's say a couple of years, you probably think to yourself, "if I tell him/her now, then he/she will probably think we've been doing it wrong this whole time."
Put that hesitation aside. Your partner is likely more turned on when they know that you are enjoying yourself, so if you haven't been enjoying the act your partner can sense it or probably already knows.
How to Tell Your Partner What You Like
So many become anxious because the topic can be a little sensitive. First, you can try talking about it outside the bedroom so you aren't in an emotionally vulnerable state. A way to bring it up might be by reminiscing about a time when your partner did something you liked in bed. You can use it as a precursor to get you both hot. Being specific will turn you on because it's in your memory, and it will turn your partner on because your honesty is sexy.
If being direct makes you uncomfortable there are other ways you can share what you like with your partner.
When You are Touched Somewhere Good, Make Sure You Partner Knows!
Moan a lot. Seriously. Say, “oh, yes, that’s wonderful”, or “right there, baby”. If you’re too shy to actually say, “I want you to do X”, then make sure that every time he comes anywhere near doing X, you moan and give him some positive reinforcement!
Guide His Hand (or whatever else!)
Can’t say it out loud? Do a mime performance. Take his hand (or whatever else) and show him where you want to be touched. Be active! Don’t just lie there and let HIM make love to YOU; be an active participant and make things happen.
Decide that tonight you’re going to play “teacher”, where you instruct him for 15 minutes on what he’s doing, and he only gets his “prize” if he “passes”. This can be a fun one, because you can tell him, “not so rough”, or “slower”, or “more circles”, or whatever it may be. If you’re playing a teacher, then it is not always as intimidating. This often works well if you BOTH have a chance. You be teacher one night and he can be teacher the next night.
Make Your Partner Stay Still
Sometimes we just don’t know what we want. We’re not sure what feels good. Using his body with the expectation that you will set the agenda can help you explore more without worrying that he’d rather just “get on with things”. So set the timer for 10 minutes, or 15 minutes, or however long you want and tell him under no circumstances is he allowed to move–or even talk. If you get nervous about what he’s thinking or that he may not respect you or that he may think foreplay is silly, then having him talk can also get your anxiety level up again. But if he’s not allowed to move or say anything and you can just use any part of him that you want, then this can be much easier (you can tell him he can move his mouth if you put something there, for instance). But this lets you explore his body and figure out what you like about it, too.
Often when we make love we rush through, and then we don’t always figure out what’s really fun. Take the time to figure out what you actually like!
What other ways have you communicated to your partner what you really like? I'd love to hear from you!
Still not sure how to tell your partner what you like? I can help guide you through communicating with your partner to achieve a happy and healthy sex life!