Divorce? Stay or Go?
- Have you been thinking about divorce for quite a while, and it’s causing extreme distress and pain for you?
- You might feel stuck and excruciating to be in a place where you and/or your spouse are thinking about divorce but are not completely sure if that is the best path?
- You might be making a list of “pros” and “cons” to determine if you want to stay in the relationship or not.
If you resonate with any of the above scenarios, Discernment Counseling, also called Stay or Go Counseling, might be a good fit. YY Wei, founder of The Relationship Center of Colorado, LCSW, CAC III, is a Certified Discernment Counselor.
Denver Stay or Go/Discernment Counseling is NOT Marital Counseling.
In Discernment Counselling, you do not have to be sure if you want to stay in the marriage or not. There is no pressure to make a specific decision. My job as your therapist is not to convince you and your spouse to stay in or get a divorce. You and your spouse need time and space to make a decision. My job is to provide an objective, supportive space to thoroughly consider all of your options. Denver Discernment Counselling gives the place to breath, slow down and look at all the options to make an informed decision.
Both people do not have to agree on “working on the marriage.” It is specifically designed for couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship – and not sure if the marriage could be safe by marriage counselling, and the other person is “leaning in” – still want to rebuild the marriage.
You are stuck - Divorce? stay or go? The Goals of Denver Discernment Counseling are that You Have:
- A deeper understanding of what has happened to your marriage and what might be possible for the future
- Examine all options about possible next steps to decide what direction to take for your marriage, and confidence as you move forward
- Better understanding of each person’s contributions to the problems.
The Structure of Denver Stay or Go/Discernment Counseling is:
- One to five sessions, with a decision each session whether to meet again. In other words, you are only signing up now for one session, and you can decide each time whether to meet again—up to five sessions.
- The first session is two hours, and the rest are 1. 5 hours.
- In the sessions, the first part is with the two of you together in the room, the next part with each of you separately, and the last part is back together.
Denver Stay or Go/Discernment Counseling Helps You Pick 1 of the 3 Paths – Stay the Same, Separation or Divorce, or All Out Effort Couples Therapy.
The goal is not to solve your problems but to help you decide whether to try to solve your problems. It’s not about immediate change in your relationship but seeing if change is possible.
We focus on three paths.
- Path 1 is the marriage as it has been.
- Path 2 is separation or divorce.
- Path 3 is an all-out effort for six months, with couples therapy and perhaps other resources, to see if you can build a strong marriage that would be good for both of you. Within those six months, you are committed to work on your problems, with divorce off the table, and then you decide at the end of that time whether to stay married, based on what you have learned during the six months.
- The most intensive work goes on in the one-to-one conversations with each of you separately, which is different from regular marriage counseling. The reason is that each of you is in a different place and we want to help you individually sort out how to move forward.
Denver Stay or Go/Discernment Counseling is NOT Suitable When
- One spouse has made a final decision to divorce and wants counseling to encourage the other spouse accept that decision
- there is a danger of domestic violence
- there is an Order of Protection from the court
- One spouse is coercing the other to participate
There are no bad guys or good guys in the process. I will respect your reasons for whichever path you decide while trying to help you gain a deeper understanding of what was missing for you and open up the possibility of restoring the marriage.
You can run away from one relationship and one partner but you cannot run away from yourself. You are still going to bring yourself to your next relationship so why not use this current relationship to learn more about yourself!
Let’s NOT make the same mistakes and get into the same cycle the next time.
Denver Marriage Couples Counseling Therapy Can Help You
Contact YY for Your 15 Min Free Phone Consultation to get some clarity and direction for your marriage.
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