We all want to have more connections in our relationships but we don't always know how.
1. Be Complementary
We feel appreciated when we hear compliments. SO, GIVE MORE COMPLIMENTS even on the smallest things! I often find that we all give more feedbacks (constructive or not) than compliments. Trust me, your partner has heard enough feedbacks throughout his/her day and life. They don't need to hear more feedbacks when they come home. Plus, home is a place for discussion. Relationship is a place for conversation between two people. Leave the giving feedback mode at work or elsewhere. Anywhere but in your relationship.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying don't give each other feedbacks. I'm referring to unilateral feedback giving sessions. Ask your partners if they want feedback, and then see if you guys can make the experience a conversation to get to know each other more. Plus, we want to keep a good balance of giving feedbacks and compliments. When you give a compliment, you are letting the other person know that you are paying attention, and he/she is in your thoughts. Giving compliments strengthen and nurture a relationship. When you are giving a compliment, be specific!! That way our loved ones know exactly what they are doing well. They will also have a better idea of what you like.
2. Be Playful
On my the other blog about, How to Have A Better Relationship, I mentioned that being spontaneous brings more excitement into our relationship. Being playing is just as important! We build bonding experience through play. Play brings in laughter, which distress our own mood and increase the happy hormones in the relationship.
Being playful strengthens love, trust, fun, and contentment with each other. Playfulness breeds intimacy and creativity, which brings in new air and new life into relationships. Playfulness also brings out child parts of you and allows your partners to see more sides of you.
3. Be Mindful
Being mindful means having awareness of what goes on with you and around you. Pay attention to your feelings, thoughts, words, body reactions, movements, and attitude as they all have an impact on our relationships with others. For example, it is common for us to lash out in a heated situation when we feel hurt, which mean we might make negative comments or exhibit unfriendly behaviors. The more we can be mindful of what goes on with ourselves, the more we can control our subsequent responses. Thus, the less we will hurt relationships we care about.
Being mindful also means being mindful of what's going on wth your partner. Spending the time and putting in the effort to learn more about their inner world. Keep even the smallest things about them in mind. Pay close attention to their likes, dislikes, little pep peeves, stories, etc. Use what you have learn about them to intensionally give them a surprise, provide comfort, show love and affection.
4. Be Your Genuine Self
Let yourself be who you are really are! Don't try to be who you think your partner would like because that can only last so long. All the above tips will be much more effective if you use them because you GENUINELY want to. I am not saying don’t look for some positive exchange and rewards but they should not be your primary motives. You do them because you want to. Not because it looks good.
You will hold less resentment and anger towards your loved ones and yourself when you are being genuine. Less resentment means a better relationship! Being truthful to yourself will help yourself to grow and evolve. By being honest with yourself, you are connecting your mind, body, feelings, and behaviors all together. You become a more wholesome, complete, congruent being. We all long for a better relationship with genuine care, thoughts, and attention. To get that, we have to start with ourselves.
How do you connect with your partner? How well are you guys connecting? I would love to hear ideas and comments from you. I would also like to help you have the connected relationship that you want and deserve.